About those toilets...

I’d actually planned a different post for today. It was a lovely, serious, scientific-y post that I went and researched and everything. But, as I sat down to write it, I kept having this question pop into my head.

Do vampires ever get more than a few feet from a toilet?

Think about it. Vampires have an entirely liquid diet, and they’re working with a basically human physiology. I mean, obviously something in them changed when they started being vampires and stopped needing food or being able to go out into the sun, but nobody ever told me about any vampire that grew an extra kidney.

The reason this bothers me so much is that our blood has a lot of crud in it. Damaged cells, metabolic byproducts, microbes, and a whole host of other nasty things swims around with our plasma. We have three whole organs dedicated to keeping our blood clean.

Then along comes this vampire. Now, I could understand a vampire not having to worry about the crud in blood if she always got it straight from the kidney. That would make sense. The stuff leaving your kidneys has been freshly scrubbed and is ready to go. Only, the vampire never does go for the kidney, does she? Nope. It’s pretty well documented that vampires go for the throat, where your blood is icky and mixed with hormones and lymph stuff and other metabolically useless junk.

So where does all of that stuff go? Do the vampires digest it? Even if they do, no chemical reaction is without a product. After they’ve slurped the energy out of their scarlet slushes, what happens to the leftovers?

Essentially, I want to know if vampires constantly need to pee, because science says they should.

And yes, I am four years old. Thanks for asking.