Lovely Day in the Park

I can’t draw a park. Just pretend. We have to establish the setting for the readers.

What now?

Oh, come on! You’re a rectangle! The only reason you’re not an “it” is that would make the pronouns too confusing.

Better?

Okay, okay, okay. Pants. You have pants now. Your name’s not Mark, you’re not in a park, and everyone’s clothed. Just read the script already.

Why are you apologizing? Everything was going fine. You got a whole line out that time.

Sitting down. You were- ach! Never mind! Just keep reading the script!

 … Never mind. Start over, then.

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I Promised You Squid:

            Theydidittheydidittheydidit! They did it!!! After decades of searching, the giant squid has finally been caught on film! You may now perform your celebratory dance of choice. May I recommend that you include plenty of hopping? …Or, you know, you could just sit in front of your computer screen and keep reading. That works too.

See, my friends and family have all developed bizarre palsies that act up whenever I mention colossal cephalopods. So, just imagine me announcing all this from the podium in a massive lecture hall while hopping about with a manic grin on my face, and I’ll imagine you sitting there, listening in wide-eyed wonder. Everyone’s happy.

            Here’s why it’s such a big deal. The giant squid is like the ocean’s greatest ninja; it’s a fifty feet long Lovecraftian betentacled noodle, but nobody’s ever caught a live one on video.

 Until now.

           Forget coelacanths. They’re only seven feet long, and we discovered them decades ago withouteven trying. Twice. We’ve found frogs that are a dime a dozen. (Meaningyou can fit about twelve of them on the smallest piece of U.S. currency.) We’ve found bats the size fluttery insects. But, despite the giant squid’s numerous appearances in fiction, we’ve caught a real one on video exactly never. That’s true ninja-ness for you.

             The best part is Discovery’s airing the footage in a few days! Jan. 27 at8:00 p.m. EST/PST is marked in my calendar. (And I don’t even have my family members’ birthdays in my calendar.) I’d have a watch party, but I think that would shove some people over the edge.

Enjoy the wiki-binge! See you the next time people get tired of listening to me! 

Presenting Eclectic:

Squid, see-through frogs, magical morning wake-up juice, puppies, inappropriate amphibians, argumentative rectangles, how to build wings, zombies, and trebuchets- that’s what this blog’s about. Title makes sense now, doesn't it?